NASA, Twin Swap, Germs and a Book Review

Okay stay with me, I’m going to tell you about my son’s field trip to NASA, the time I switched places with my twin sister, and the discovery of germs, all to essentially recommend a book. It all connects, but you’ve been warned it doesn’t seem to at first. 

Let’s start with NASA. My oldest got to go on an overnight field trip to NASA with his 5th grade class. It was for sure a riveting experience since I got to join as a chaperone. Did I spill my sweet tea on my jeans and it looked like I peed my pants? Sure did! My son still claimed me as his mom, and I don’t think I lost my chaperoning privileges so I guess I’ll count that as a win. A cool thing about the whole NASA experience, was they showed us how they had to solve one problem then another, then another, then another. They just kept solving problem after problem or better yet finding solution after solution until they discovered how to manage space travel, how to propel rockets into space, how to take showers and sleep with no gravity, and just so many many things. I love the aspect of science that focuses on discovery and solutions. This seems to work! This is a terrible idea and not sustainable. This is sufficient, but could be tweaked. That’s how scientists talk I think. :)

 While I’m not particularly interested in space travel, I can appreciate it and respect it. My spare time won’t be spent reading space books though. However, neuroscience and interpersonal neurobiology is of great interest to me as it relates to my field of counseling. These are growing fields in the world of psychology and biology, and the new discoveries are transformational in helping people. I haven’t always appreciated science though. I have an identical twin sister who is a total nerd! I was a group fitness instructor in college and she was a biology lab assistant if that tells you anything. I say that in complete jest, she is actually one of my favorite humans in the whole world. She is always ready to do a science experiment. In college, we switched classes just for funsies. She went to my psychology class, and no one even noticed the difference. I went into her chemistry class, and her friend immediately recognized that I wasn’t Catherine. In an effort to expose our trick, her friend, kept encouraging the professor to call on “Catherine,” but it was me. This chem class sounded like they were speaking another language! I was zero percent interested in this chemistry class. I just passed on answering any questions, and doodled “I love my sis!” all over her notebook. I didn’t appreciate science as much then as I do now. Ha! 

Thanks to my sis who is really into science (she’s an optometrist now), I learned that in the 1800s they hadn’t even discovered bacteria. They didn’t know how sickness and disease was spread, and they made some pretty terrible guesses and solutions for the problem. Some of these solutions included putting leeches on people's bodies to suck the sickness out and cutting holes in people's heads to allow the evil spirit of the sickness to leave. Ummm terrible solutions guys! Now we know about bacteria and germs, and that washing hands are an effective way to help prevent the spread of many germs. Antibiotics have also since been discovered, and we now how pretty effective solutions in healthcare as compared to our ancestors from just a few hundred years ago. 

These new discoveries in the field of psychology that pertain to how to help people feel safe and how to equip people to regulate their emotions feel to me as big of a deal as the discovery of bacteria!!! Being well equipped to help people who have experienced hard things is just a big deal. Robyn Gobbel’s newest book Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors: Brain, Body-Sensory Strategies That Really Work does an excellent job explaining these discoveries and solutions. Her playful approach to understanding complex brain science makes it easily comprehendible and sets you up to put into practice well. She works with families who have kids from hard places whether that is through adoption, foster care or trauma of any kind. She helps the parents see what is really going on with their kiddos and how to respond in a way that is actually effective. I know this may seem like an overstatement, but if you have a relationship with a child, it’s a book worth reading. If your job involves children at all (childcare, teachers, therapists, school administrators, kids ministry, bus drivers, medical workers seeing pediatric patients, etc), I can’t recommend reading this book enough to get an understanding of the kids you serve. Knowledge is a superpower! 

Connection and safety are key factors in helping kid’s with challenging behaviors. We don’t discipline bad behavior out of a child, we end up just encouraging a different “bad” behavior. Some of our solutions like writing the rule that was broken 100 times doesn’t really work. It might be as effective as leeches sucking the sickness out. If you’ve done this before, I’m not shaming you. Once we know better, we can do better. Often times in behavior mishaps, well meaning adults claim that the child knows better. We are now learning that when these behavior mishaps occur, these kiddos are so disconnected from the part of the brain that knows we don't spit on people or whatever other rule was broken that they literally don't have access to the "know" in that moment. Learning the rule more by writing it or giving a great lecture won’t help them act better, unfortunately. Helping these kids feel safe enough to stay connected in their brain will though. Safety and connection are KEY in behavior management never shame and disconnection. 

I have noticed too that in moments of stress, things I would normally never do, I do! For example, when I thought one of my kids was going to puke in the backseat of my minivan, I started snapping at my dear husband to pass me a bag! Rude, much?! Yes! I would never consider myself a snapper, but you throw in the fear of puke in my car, and apparently I am! 

There are better approaches to kids with persistent behavior issues. As many of you know, my Christian faith is a big part of who I am. These new discoveries of meeting people where they are and providing for them even in their shortcomings is so reflective of the heart of Jesus. People want to be seen and heard. Just like NASA solved one problem after another to make huge discoveries that benefited the world, I’ll encourage you as parents, teachers, childcare workers, and human beings to stay curious with the kids you encounter. Ask questions about what could their behavior be trying to communicate? Do they need help developing skills to support them being able to manage hard things and big emotions? Keep looking for solution after solution. Keep trying to understand and see the child’s heart, and you might just change the world too! 

Here's a link for Robyn's book.   https://a.co/d/aIK4KrC